A New Day....

Today I can smile and not feel like a liar.  Today I can laugh and not feel like I'm cheating on the rest of my soul.  There's no explanation really.  One day you're overwhelmed by life and grief and the next day you're feeling like you can take it on and be in control of it, instead of it controlling you.  I admire people who are strong enough to take control from the beginning.  Who don't have to remind themselves to breathe and never have to apologize for having a break down.  How do they do it?  Or do they just have enough control to show emotions only when they are in private?  Do they have emotions at all? 

Today is a "ME" day.  My husband has been encouraging me to do this since her passing but I haven't been up to it.  He will take care of all the responsibilities tonight - Kennedy's sports and homework and household chores.  I on the other hand will be visiting the salon for hair, nails and pedicure - sprinkled with a tanning visit.  A nice surprise.  RELAXATION.  De-stressing.  Or just distractions.  Either way, I woke up stronger today and am looking forward to it. 

Dear Reader - don't mistake this for a sudden healing and release of grief.  If you've ever dealt with a tragedy you'll understand that there are good days and there are bad ones.  This just happens to be a good one for me.  I'm hoping it stays a good one because you will also find that your days can intermingle and suddenly a good turns bad or the bad turns good.  You won't have any warning as to whether this emotional rollercoaster you're riding is going uphill or down.  You learn to just lift your hands, close your eyes, and let the waves hit you.  You deal with them as best you can and then face the next wave when it chooses to come.   Right now my wave is low and I'm able to stay above water. 

Interesting - I've been reminded twice this week already that I am not the only one who grieves.  It's everywhere.  Turn to your left or turn to your right - you will find someone grieving.  There's no need for the power of 6 - power of 2 will suffice I'm sure.  Whether it's an illness, a poor choice, or something totally out of their control, people are grieving everywhere.  Perspective.  Comes in small doses and is to be pondered and absorbed.   I have a friend who's son was married 2 years ago.  This young man is 26 years old and his wife gave birth to their first born a few months ago.  Her name is Ava.  Pretty.  His wife's name is Libby.  They're the kind of couple that belongs in the pages of Good Housekeeping or Woman's Day.  So young, so loving, and already living a life of dedication to helping others.  After college he chose a job of sacrifice rather than pay.  He is employed by Young Life and spends his days helping youth in every way possible.  After giving birth, sweet Libby had some aches and pains that she thought were part of the deal.  However, when they did not go away she decided a doctor's visit was necessary.  3 weeks later, after many tests and sleepless nights, Libby received the news that she has Stage 4 Hodgekin's Lymphoma.  She is choosing to keep faith in the fact that there is still hope for survival.  She is choosing to not waste this moment in her life and keeps a blog at http://libbyryder.blogspot.com if you want to read her amazing thoughts.  I read them every day.  Perspective.  It's what keeps me and many more from drowning in self-pity.  I want to be strong and amazing like Libby. 

This is me and Bonnie - one of our many trips.  We were smashed - someone was playing loud dance music - we made the most of the opportunity :)

These are my thoughts today on this good day.  And I will continue to think these thoughts as today turns into tomorrow.  Eventually, the grief will become smaller than the strength I am building.  Eventually I will learn to laugh at my memories with Bonnie.  Yes.  This is a good day.