Dumbass

If you are the mother of a teenager you know why sometimes animals eat their young, right?  Seriously – all joking aside – you know why, right?  It is very evident that my 14 year old thinks I know nothing at all.  It is only because I remember feeling the same way when I was her age that I have not strangled her and roasted her like a pig.  I do realize that some day she’ll think I’m smart enough to come to for advice.  However, this stage where I’m a complete dumbass is a bit irritating to say the least.  I am good for only a few things at this point in her life.  That is paying for her needs, driving her places and fetching whatever she needs if she feels sick.  I am good enough to cook for her, but not to explain to her that when cleaning the kitchen you might want to use an actual cleaner on the counter.  I’m a dumbass.  I’m good enough to turn the temperature down at night, but a complete idiot if I feel the temperature should be higher than 68 during the day.  I’m a dumbass.  I am absolutely excellent at going to the mall and pulling out my bank card, but good grief what was I thinking when I suggested she might look cute in that shirt????????  I’m a dumbass.  What?  You need your hair cut?  Not a problem because I know exactly where the best hair dresser is.  No – I won’t suggest any styles to you because it is obvious I have no taste at all.  I’m a dumbass.  I will be there to cheer you on during your competitions because I ROCK at being supportive, but I had no clue that using your actual name therefore allowing people to know that the mom with the painted face and pompoms is your mom is an outrageous thing to do.  I’m a dumbass.  THANK GOD that I know exactly the right medicine that helps you when you’re in the midst of painful pms but for freaking sake how could I even begin to suggest you take it BEFORE the pms begins to be preventative?  I’m a dumbass.  Telling you that you need to get more sleep in order to not be so tired – how do you put up with the dumbass that’s your mother?  Wanting you to do the laundry before the entire 2^nd floor of the house smells like your dirty socks?  Dumbass.  Suggesting that you shut your bathroom door during your menstrual cycle so I do not have to pull another tampon out of the dogs mouth is proof that once again, I am a complete and total dumbass.  Of course the list could go on from here to eternity but I think, Dear Reader, you are beginning to pick up the frustration that I am so graciously laying at your feet.  Therefore, I’ll stop.  This dumbass mother must wrap up the day and go take my brilliantly smart and wise teenager for her hair appointment and Halloween costume.  Clearly I will try to think of ways not to burden her with my dumbassiveness.