Jolly Green Giant....

This weekend I spent time working for my daughter and her "causes."  My friday night "relaxation" time at Barleycorn's became a 6-10 shift at Ryle High School selling Hot Dogs, Burgers, Popcorn, Soft Pretzels, Pop, Candy and whatever a Nerd Rope is.  From the first sale forward I never stopped.  No breaks.  Nothing to drink but 2 swigs of a diet pepsi.  However, when the 4th person jumped in to start helping and managed to knock me with his elbow 10 times within 20 minutes I decided it was time to bail.  Therefore I left my shift 15 mins early.  I'm terrible I know. 

Let's examine this situation a little closer.  Imagine a 20 X 10 space in which you are to cook, refrigerate, heat and sell food.  Now add in 6 people working in this enclosed space.  Then add in a 6'5" 350lb man who is obviously a little depleted in the brain cell area.  With all of his huh? what? and other significant questions he is truly a helpful addition.  Now add in the fact that he feels like sharing MY cash register would be the most convenient spot for him to be helpful.  Nevermind that my process has been running seamlessly up until this point.  I have sweated, called orders, jumped other's when they tried to steal my customer's hot pretzel and handled the performance of this job perfectly.  Suddenly the Jolly Green Giant is jabbing me in the boobs, stepping on my feet and then - reader this is no lie - as I reach under the counter to get change for my customer JGG actually leans forward and has the balls to rub his BALLS against my hand.  UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  For all of this loving physical affection he has shown there hasn't been ONE freaking apology.  Are You Kidding?  I'm not sure he knows how to do anything but mutter one syllable words like "Huh?"  After this final act of grotesque ball feeling I muttered a few distinct cusswords under my breath - grabbed my diet pepsi and walked away.  15 minutes later when my shift officially ended, Brian came looking for me. 

Brian:  "What happened?"
Me:  That @#$%^&*(*@#$%^&*(@#$%^&* made me touch his BALLLLLLZZZZZZZZZ!!!

Brian cannot speak because he finds the situation hilarious and is laughing.  Of course when he realizes that my face is beet red and I am not finding the same humor as he, he is suddenly able to find his calm. 

Brian:  "I'm so sorry honey"
Me:  !@#$%^&*()@#$%^&*!@#$%^&*

Ahhhhhh - now I feel better......     He rubs my back as we walk away.   When we get home he offers to fix me an adult beverage and serves it to me on the strong side.  After I've washed the skin off of my hands and checked myself for large bruises I am able to relax. 

I am certain that the next time I see JGG I will thank him for the feel he so graciously allowed me to cop at Friday's game and then I'll whisper in his ear - work on growing them a bit more because I couldn't actually feel a damn thing.   Asshole.